The holidays and what works

My kids are both winter babies, and I forget during the summers just how hard it is to think of what to tell other people to get my autistic son for gifts. Around October, I start scouring, thinking back over the year’s events, asking his teachers, anything to think of what to get him. Every autistic child is different, though, and then, there is the pitfall of getting something that feeds too much into their rigid interests, and you don’t see their faces for weeks at a time. If we, for instance, let our son have a computer in his room, he’d probably disappear for ages. We let him have a tv and dvd player in there, and to that, he can connect his Clickstart (by Leapfrog) to the little tv, and play games, while being harassed by his little brother. The Clickstart was last year’s big gift from my parents, while we got him an art easel.

This year, I went with Poingo, which is like Leapfrog’s Tag system, only it was twenty bucks cheaper at BJ’s Warehouse, and came with two Disney books, while the separate books are half as much as the Tag’s books. My son is devouring sight words right now, and is making big leaps in his verbal communication as well, so we feel that this will be a good fit for him.  He’ll probably also want to play with his brother when we bring out the little guy’s gift of a Vsmile, since he likes playing Veggietales on the family Playstation. I’m being cheaper this year, see, since our kids are still young, I didn’t mind buying a gently used Vsmile from someone at a tag sale, which for $25, he’d thrown in about five games and a dance pad as well. That was a steal. If you are looking to be on the cheap as well this year, visit www.ouac.com (this is Once Upon a Child consignment – they appear to have locations all over the country, as well as in Canada), where they typically have tons of Leap Frog items, Melissa & Doug, and tons of cheap books, as I noted in an earlier blog.

I also, like a masochist, put drums on his wishlist, since he has consistently picked drums in music class at school since he started going. He also runs over to the drum set at our local grocery store (why this place is selling a drum set, I’ll never know) and tries to beat it into submission before I manage to get the sticks out of his hands. BJ’s has both drums and guitar in child sizes right now, for a reasonable cost; I would guess that Costco & Sam’s would as well (ask a friend with a membership to take you, or whether you can get a free pass for a day – I have one or two I’d be happy to share for BJ’s).

On his amazon list, which I update every time I have a flash of genius/inspiration, I have put on simple board games, making sure that they have very clear rules, and not much room for confusion. I also have most of David Macauley’s books on his list. I first came across Macauley as an archaeology student, with his book Motel of the Mysteries, a tongue-in-cheek look at the assumptions often made by archaeologists and historians. Macauley typically produces intricately drawn books that involve topics of architecture, nature, and the human body (he’s got a few about The Way We Work, with internal views of the human body, perhaps good for the older child with a lot more questions than you can answer).

For cause and effect, there are the type of toys that evoke Rube Goldberg, like The Learning Journey’s Marble Mania, or K’Nex’s rollercoaster builder. I’m hoping that someone will get him one of these, otherwise I may do it for his birthday, because this will also be a toy that will take him working WITH someone else to achieve a result.

We also love Melissa & Doug toys. I have donated them to the classroom as gifts, rather than handing some “thing” to a teacher (there are just too many of them in his life to do individual gifts). We got the magnetic calendar last year, and have a stash of the pattern/stacking/word building toys that he uses when they come for summer programming. The great part about Melissa & Doug is that the pieces are almost always chunky and large enough that it’s safe to have them out with multiple age groups.

Stocking stuffers:

If you need a break from your child chewing on everything in sight, visit this store at ebay.com: http://stores.ebay.com/THE (The Sensory University) for discounted prices on chewey tubes of all varieties. We get them 4 for 24.99 from there, with free shipping. Through his school, we were paying ten dollars a piece. My son is just as happy to see these in his stocking as anything else.

At your local party store, there is always an ample supply of squishy balls, light up toys, whistles, bubble makers, and anything else that can be used as a reinforcer.

Flash cards – it has taken me years to finally understand how to use these well. I look for them at places like odd/job lot stores, Marshalls, Barnes & Noble, and the Christmas Tree shops. Look for ones that are either photographic, or very clear drawings. If you don’t see what you like, get card stock at a craft store, and print them out the way I do: I go online, find specific photos of things he knows (or take my own pics), and refit the msword page size to match the cardstock, then fit the picture to a size you like. If you’re trying to familiarize your child with an item, first in groups of four cards laid out, ask him/her to touch the picture, and correct when the guess is wrong. Once that’s mastered, print out lists of the actual word labels, laminate them, and have the child match the word to the picture by placing it on top of the picture. Easy, right? Amazingly, this never occurred to me; I had to beg someone to show me how to use them.

A magazine subscription. It can be like National Geographic, to look at and learn from, or like Nick Jr., National Geo. Jr., or Ranger Rick, to first look at, and then cut apart, or donate to your child’s school.

Wiki or wax sticks, or pipe cleaners for letter forming, or fidgeting.

What doesn’t do so well:

When a toy or item becomes an obsessive interest. I know an adolescent who got a book of rock album covers for a gift, and he was stimming over them, because he was starting to hit puberty, and was seeing pictures of semi-clothed people. The book had to be taken away eventually, because he wasn’t able to bring himself down off of this excitement. The moral? Read through your purchases, and screen movies on amazon to be sure of what you’re getting into.

The parent factor:

Sometimes, we think we’re just getting our kids what they like. Maps, for the geographically inclined child, or a keyboard for the musical one. I’m not saying that this is a universally bad idea, but it’s up to you as a caregiver to monitor whether it works or not. We’ve had to shelve or permanently take away toys that have frustrated our son (or in one case, where the fighting over the toy threatened to get violent). We also have to put timers on for other activities. In the end, it’s our job to be the bad guy once in a while. And, if your toy/gift idea turns out to be a dud, trek over to that Once Upon a Child, and consign it.

Other ideas that I think are neat:

Instead of another toy to take up room, a trip to a favorite place, whether it’s a museum, or something similar.

Keep an eye out for an event like this one, in Simbsbury CT, where a movie theater manager is having an ASD friendly showing of Madagascar 2 (lights will stay up, volume down, outside snacks allowed, playing and talking, and otherwise being who they are is allowed. I’m thinking about going with our boys, but if you don’t have an event like it yet, ask me for event info, so you can try to get one in your area.

Webkinz or robopets: these pretend animals can help a child explore the needs of a living creature, especially if you’re contemplating a real pet.

BJ’s has a section on their site in indoor toys for ”differently abled” items. They have quite a selection of vestibular and expressive toys. Toys R Us also has a massive compilation of toys for different needs, which was brought about through the auspices of folks like Maria Shriver.

Little Tykes or Fisher Price digital cameras or video cameras – if you really want to see the world as they do.

A puppet theater with puppets – but expect to carry this one yourself at first. Practice your crazy voices, but also demonstrate interactions between people that can be confusing (after all, this is what the Muppets do).

sites we like:
www.onestepahead.com
www.hearthsong.com
www.eslflashcards.com
www.abcteach.com
www.etsy.com
www.widdlykinks.com
www.cricketmag.com
www.kidsdiscover.com

sites my son likes:
www.sproutonline.com
www.starfall.com
www.sesamestreet.org
www.playhousedisney.com